Nov. 23, 2015 -- A staggering statistic: people with average IQs outperform those with the highest IQs 70% of the time. How? Emotional intelligence, that other kind of smart, is the critical factor that explains excellence not measurable in a test score.
Canterbury Elementary is elevating emotional intelligence in the student body by cultivating one of EQ’s most important components: empathy. But you can’t just have empathy; empathy is a muscle that needs constant use, lest it go flabby and weak. Enter the Peer Mediators, a group of nineteen Canterbury 3rd, 4th and 5th graders set on making school a gentler place for everyone.
“Got a problem? I can help. I’m a Peer Mediator.”
Working in pairs for thirty minutes during lunch hour, Peer Mediators sit at a help table outside the lunchroom, badges advertising their willingness to help. During lunch, they are available to their young clients, kids who have a conflict they need help resolving. Peer Mediators are trained to help kids cool off, listen to each other and find solutions.
Each of the four 45-minute after-school training sessions in October was an abbreviated empathy and leadership summit. Students learned active listening skills, and how to paraphrase and repeat back another person’s complaint. The last two sessions featured role-playing skits to practice their skills. The role-playing is fourth grader and second-year mediator Madison Palmer’s favorite part so far. One, anyway.
“I liked the skits during training. And I like helping people. And I like sitting in the quiet hall, on the cushy, comfy chairs,” said Palmer.
During the training, students also examined their self-management and how they might act as role models. Peer Mediators are expected to stay out of trouble to stay in the program. Part of the contract also demands Peer Mediators maintain confidentiality; no gossip about their peers or their conflicts is permitted.
Independence, empathy and empowerment
This all might sound like a big job for kids as young as eight, but they take their duties seriously. School Counselor and Peer Mediation coordinator Brittany Wright has been impressed with their dedication. Of the more than two-dozen students who first signed up, nineteen staff the help table.
“After the initial excitement, students had to be willing to do the after-school training and sit for the lunch time shifts. They’re making a real commitment,” Wright said.
Each Peer Mediation session sees four students simultaneously flexing empathy muscles. Because both parties in conflict are present for mediation, there are obvious lessons in perspective and getting both sides of the story. Each student gets to express the problem from their perspective while the pair of mediators listen. Individuals in the conflicted pair listen patiently and wait their turn. This slowed-down practice helps build clear emotional expression and listening skills, values adults hold in high regard, but often struggle to convey to children.
Canterbury School Counselor Brittany Wright says the strength of the Peer Mediator program is “giving the kids leadership opportunities. For the students seeking mediation, they get a way to quickly work out the problem without involving an adult. It’s an opportunity for independence on both sides.”
The help table has only been open for a few weeks so far this school year. Business is starting off slow, something that frustrates fourth grade Peer Mediator Helena Duffy, who says, “there aren’t enough problems! We want to hear their problems. We want to help!” Duffy, a second-year mediator, explains that her favorite part of the program is that “it’s something different. It’s not just regular school, it’s more responsibility. Plus, when you help people, they trust you.”
A help-and-trust culture is contagious. Once the help table was set up and Peer Mediators were stationed outside the lunchroom with their poster—featuring a peace sign—more kids came forward, asking about the program and wanting to participate.
In someone else’s shoes
In these early weeks, while the students get used to having help available and seek out mediation on their own, the lunch aides and classroom teachers keep an eye out for manageable conflicts that they can point to the Peer Mediators. Common situations might include someone feeling left out, another student not sharing, one-off disagreements or friendships conflicts in general.
“Kids here at Canterbury really get along well, so there might not be something everyday,” said Wright. “In a typical week, there’s not a lot of drama at all.”
On slow days, Peer Mediators act as hall monitors, reminding kids to walk in the halls and follow other building rules. Still, the continual practice of empathy-at-the-ready is real.
“Being able to put yourself in someone else’s shoes is the main skill Peer Mediators need to be successful,” said Wright. “And for the kids seeking help, they have to learn to listen to the other side, to acknowledge how the other person is feeling. While the students may not agree on exactly what happened, they do have to agree on a solution.”
Peer Mediators have a reminder binder with a list of suggested resolutions, but the best solutions come from the students seeking help with the conflict.
There is a reliable rhythm to the whole process. Peer Mediators have a set day and partner for their 30-minute shift each week. Because of staggered 3rd-5th grade lunch and recess, mediator pairs are on duty during the whole midday break, staffing the help table for a full two hours each day. To prevent Peer Mediators getting overwhelmed or dragged into the conflict, there is a script to follow. If mediation is not going well, Peer Mediators can always ask an adult for help.
Contributing to a helping climate
In its fourth year at Canterbury, the Peer Mediator Program is informed by other essential pieces of the building curriculum. Incidentally, Canterbury is in its third and final year of the International Baccalaureate [IB] certification process and it’s impossible to ignore the link between the IB Primary Learner Profile and the goals of the Peer Mediator Program.
Elementary IB students are called to be inquiring, knowledgeable, thinking, communicating, principled, open-minded, caring, risk-taking, balanced and reflective. Cultivating emotional intelligence in young children is of high priority in the International Baccalaureate curriculum. Canterbury hopes to receive official IB recognition and certification in 2016.
The Peer Mediator Program also incorporates Second Step, the national social-emotional support curriculum the CH-UH District uses as part of the “Tiger Proud and Bully Free” anti-bullying initiative. Second Step is used in all grades at Canterbury and is included as part of morning meetings in each homeroom.
Canterbury Principal Dr. Erica Wigton loves the Peer Mediation Program because of the empowerment and ownership it affords her students.
“The students are taking action, they are contributing to the helping climate of the whole school,” said Dr. Wigton. “And they’re learning that it’s not just adults dictating how things have to be, but that, as students, they can shape our school culture, too.”